And you're still holding on, unsure of what you're waiting for anymore

2006-12-17T23:14:00.000+08:00

I don't know what made me revive this, possibly the whole day of rain and thinking too much. Nobody is going to realise this before I delete it again. This happy & without a blog to complain at, thing kinda worked. But now I feel like all the happiness is just pushing the rest deeper and deeper, soon I'll have a major breakdown again.

I feel helpless and it's been a long time since I had a proper breakdown to let everything out. I dont know what's going on. I feel like I'm losing my dearest, i know my bestfriend isnt exactly doing well but I don't know what to do, I haven't talked to lu in ages, my one and only is overseas, and in all honesty, im unsure how I feel towards Tiff, 2.4 and shoe polisher. Its a mix of extremes and I'm all confused.

Also to this new thing I'm unsure. So many insecurities and I'm so afraid it's gonna turn out like that, you know, like her. For now I'm just taking the risk.

Go on and pull me underCover me with dreams

2006-10-20T22:48:00.000+08:00

It was pretty disappointing but as much as I want to blame them, I know its our fault as well.

Macs after that was a pretty short affair and 2.4 waited with me for my dad (: Kinda reminded me of the past but that doesn't matter anymore cause its never ever gonna be the same.

The sun won't shine since you went away
Seems like the rain's falling every day
There's just one heart, where there once was two
But that's the way it's gotta be,
Until I get over you

Tell me, how long more?

2006-10-19T21:29:00.000+08:00

Just got scolded by my dad because of np. It's not the first time and its really pissing me off. He looked over my shoulder while i was doing the campfire proposal and went, " Oh, so you choose typing about how long it takes to light up a fire over reading the newspapers and getting updated on daily current affairs." He says stuff like "Don't think people will employ you in future because you achieved many badges." "The rank on your uniform will not help you in the future." What pisses me off the most is when he says "Why must you try and take the credit by volunteering to do all these stuff?" I feel like saying to him, wtf, do you think I volunteer to be the IC? Do you think I like typing proposals and spending so much time on np? I don't really have a choice. But I wouldn't do that because it wouldn't make a difference anyway.

He doesn't understand and never will. It's the same with grades. He doesn't know how grateful I am that I passed already when others are worrying about whether they are retaining. To him, its the same as primary school, have to be the best in everything. A mere pass isn't enough. Heck, I'm pretty upset with the Cs but I know that's what I deserve but to him, only As count. If others do better he goes "Then why can't you do as good as them". And if I say noone got A1 or something, he merely retorts with "If others can't get it, doesn't mean you cant" Sometimes I wonder if he doesn't understand me or it's the other way round.

It's just a couple of the million things that I love about you

2006-10-18T23:04:00.000+08:00

Let's just say I thought about it for a long time and finally came to a solution which would not hurt anyone anymore. I'm sorry.

And if I jumped of the Brooklyn Bridge
Tell me would you still follow me
and if I made you mad today,
tell me would you love me tomorrow?
Please, or would you say that you don't care,
and then leave me standing here
Like the fool who is drowning in despair and screaming

Since you don't need me anymore.

And don't you know you're hurting me? Or in turn, its literally me hurting myself.

You see I've been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down

2006-10-17T18:53:00.000+08:00

There's another world inside of me that you may never see,
There's secrets in this life I can't hide.
Well, somewhere in this darkness, there's a light that I can't find
Well, maybe its too far away, maybe I'm just blind

So hold me when I'm here,
Love me when I'm wrong,
Hold me when I'm scared,
And love me when I'm gone.

Everything I am,
And everything in me,
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down,
Even if I could,
Give up everything,
If only for your good,

So hold me when I'm here,
Love me when I'm wrong,
Hold me when I'm scared,
You won't always be there,
So love me when I'm gone.
So love me when I'm gone

When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin,
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends.
Now roaming through this darkness,
I'm alive but I'm alone,
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.

So hold me when I'm here,
Love me when I'm wrong,
Hold me when I'm scared,
And love me when I'm gone.

Everything I am,
And everything in me,
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down,
Even if I could,
Give up everything,
If only for your good,

So hold me when I'm here,
Love me when I'm wrong,
Hold me when I'm scared,
You won't always be there,
So love me when I'm gone.

Maybe I'm just blind.

2006-10-16T22:41:00.000+08:00

)':

Okay, I passed Math, and blogless.

(Being blogless is not easy for someone who's been avidly blogging for four years, so thank you dear Tess for lending me yours <#)

On a random note,
Word Verification: mrsdk - Mrs. DK :D

Hey ho, let's go.

You can read all my lettersBut that won't mean things are fine,

2006-10-16T20:27:00.000+08:00

Results today was okay. Pretty disappointing and all and but I suppose this is what I deserve for not putting in my best. Somehow I don't think the tears was because of the marks.

I have no idea what I'm doing for campfire. Sure, because I was in campfire last year that may mean that I know some stuff. But I look at all the proposals and all I see are materials that I don't see the use for and it scares me because I'm going to screw everything up. I don't have a clue what to do and it's not like there's anyone I can ask for help.

Well you please shut the fuck up. Nothing's your fault okay, just blame everything on me and stop acting like a bitch. I say how I feel and people get all worked up, so why the hell do you ask me how I feel in the first place?

Why is it you have the right to be angry all the time and I don't? This isn't the first time and ignoring it won't help. Your words are reassuring but why do you keep doing this to me time and again. I hope you two stay like this forever, don't come back to me when she drifts from you again.

All of those years we spent together
Well they're part of my life forever
I hold the joy with the pain
And the truth is I miss you my friend

Joshua - Hello you, don't be so down. I know you've had happy moments with her but I guess its now the time to move along with life. You initiated the break-up right? Silly. We'll catch up soon, I promise. <3

It was so strong, where did it all go wrong

2006-10-15T12:47:00.000+08:00

And I screw up every relationship I try to save.

I'm tired of guessing how you feel all the time so I'm just going to assume that you don't care anymore and even if I'm wrong you won't bother to correct me right?

So tell me why, i'm swimming against the tide.
And i'm praying for a lifeline, cause i'm losing you.
So tell me why, you don't care enough to try.
Are you giving up this fight, i can't stand, wont stand, losing you.

There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree

2006-10-14T10:50:00.000+08:00

I don't even feel sick now except for the throat and I wanted to go for CIP but too bad that I have paranoid parents.

Tonsilitis so bad that I can't even swallow saliva without tearing.

Sometimes I like being sick cause you lose weight when you are sick and lately I realised how fat I'm getting. Since now its term break after the concert and classes start only almost a month later. Now I have no form of exercise whatsoever. I hate my legs, they are the same size or bigger than people double the size of me.

I'm so moody, I think its PMS.

I know I just can't let us go

2006-10-13T13:20:00.000+08:00

Wednesday

BBQ (: Met earlier to deco the place and stuff. Weird group of guys at swimming pool who sang happy birthday?? And then we ate the nice food until we were happily bloated. Took pictures at the pool.

On the ledge in the middle of the pool.

After that photo, was going to jump back into the shallow end of the pool but I lost my balance and fell into the deeper part. I didn't even realise I had my phone with me so the phone is now screwed.

Yesterday

Games carnival. We didn't do well but it's okay. It was pretty much fun and screamy. Went home with a headache and slept at 7pm till this morning. 12 whole hours, longest I've ever slept I think. I'm missing day of reflection today and I'm really upset cause I like this kinda sessions. Oh well.

I didn't have to tell you
I just broke down and cried
You're sewn into the fabric, the pieces of my life
And I just can't remember why we said goodbye

Baby tell me that you still believeThat you still love me

2006-10-10T18:51:00.000+08:00

Us, on Toys 'R' Us's security camera screen things.

2.4 : Keep you in suspense (:

If you love me, let me know, if you don't, then let me go.

Everyone's telling me that things will be alright soon and we'll be back to normal. But they don't get it, do they? I don't even know why I'm feeling so much for you and I feel really stupid and like a fool to believe that you would say something first. I'm so confused now because all the time I thought this was just an awkward phase that everyone has to go through. Only when someone told me that perhaps you have given up already made me understand. Reality hurts but it's the cold, hard truth.

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

A little bit of laughs, a little bit of pain

2006-10-09T21:57:00.000+08:00

When you tell someone you love them and then hurt them all the time, that's murder.

I came to you for answers
I left confused
And you moved me and you promised you would let go
Now I need you and I want you to know

With my promise to you fulfilled,

When you lose something you cannot replaceWhen you love someone but it goes to waste

2006-10-08T21:58:00.000+08:00

Pretty disappointing but I guess it could have been worse

Thanks loves, At the start I already peeped out of the curtain then I saw the board and I thought it was really cute cause noone does that except for singapore idol and stuff? And there are seven roses! (:

What was it you felt? Disappointment perhaps?

But your taste still lingers on my lips

2006-10-07T12:55:00.000+08:00

And in the morning when I rise,
you bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.

It's tomorrow and reality is sinking in. The fact that we haven't practised even once in our costumes because the dressmaker hasn't done it yet?! We're getting our costumes like, just before the show, great. And also we're the only ones doing pointe so it's like all the stress is on us. All I hope is that we keep on time and we don't fall on stage or something :/

The group doing the can-can is really good though. Looks like a circus please!

I'll wait until tomorrow
Maybe you'll feel better then
Maybe we'll be better then
So what's another day
When I can't bear
These nights of thoughts
Of going on without you
This mood of yours is temporary
It seems worth the wait
To see your smile again
Out of the corner of your eye
Won't be the only way
You'll look at me then

But her world keeps spinning backwards

2006-10-06T23:25:00.000+08:00

Today was good (: In a way, a rest from the non stop rehearsals and studying.

I think the item is rather screwed but oh well, and has the fugliest name ever. Get this. rainbow. Like omg when I heard it I totally refused to accept it but they printed the programmes already.

<3

Sing to me of the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have
for me over again

And the scariest thing is that you don't seem to have any reaction

Don't wanna hurt anymore

2006-10-04T20:13:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's full dress and I get to see Chloe, cute little girl who's doing a jazz item. It's called tequila but in the music you can only hear quila, which sounds like gila, which is crazy in malay. So everytime their item is up Jane laughs to herself, but its okay, cause I do it too when this 17 yr old guy dances, I think he looks like a clumsy bear.

We're on a different roller coaster then the rest. Ours only goes down.

And I thought what I felt was simple,
and I thought that I don't belong,
and now that I am leaving,
now I know that I did something wrong cause I missed you.
Yeah, I missed you.
And you say I only hear what I want to
I don't listen hard,
don't pay attention to the distance that you're running
to anyone, anywhere,
I don't understand if you really care,
I'm only hearing negative
So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up,
and this woman was singing my song:
lover's in love, and the other's run away,
lover is crying cause the other won't stay.
Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was
dying since the day they were born.
Well, well, this is not that
I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown.
And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure.
You try to tell me that I'm clever,
but that won't take me anyhow, or anywhere with you.
You said that I was naive,
and I thought that I was strong.
I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave."
Oh, but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you.
Yeah, I miss you.
You said, "I caught you 'cause I want you and one day I'll let you go."

I couldn't let you see my crying eyes but I wanted so bad to run to you

2006-10-03T14:42:00.000+08:00

We said we'd be friends maybe one day, give us one more try
I can't understand, it happened so fast
Six months have passed
Now suddenly you've gotten over me

It hurts when I thought I had gotten over you
It hurts when together forever won't come true
It hurts when one broken heart is how it ends
Cause it hurts to know that you are in love again

I'm trying so hard not to care but you're happy now and it's not fair
Just when I thought that I was getting strong I see you with her, I was wrong
Now I can pretend that losing you didn't mean a thing
And I can deny that this whole thing's not happening
To hold it inside, it's killing me, it's hurting me. If you could only see

Because you let our love just fall apart

2006-10-02T20:08:00.000+08:00

Physics is so screwed. Gan called me crazy. Science teachers have something against me. After school was so annoying because the 3 of them were so irritating! Anyway the maze on the back of the honey star box isn't right. It just can't be solved ):

6 more days, it needs to be perfect.

I let you go because I thought what we had together was enough to bring you back. I guess I was wrong.

Can nothing I do make you happy anymore

2006-10-01T22:40:00.000+08:00

I will never attempt to swallow pills with 100 plus again. I choked and had difficulty breathing, kinda like the pepsi in pizza hut fiasco, but that's too sad to be remembered.

Ran my whole life in the groundAnd I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

2006-09-30T21:14:00.000+08:00

Everyone's faking it nowadays and I'm not denying that I'm an exeption. It's getting so annoying and everyones just reminding me of stuff I tried to forget for so damn long. You're not helping either, just making me more confused. Move on, let go, easy for you to say. And if we both agree that we shouldn't be together why does it hurt so much? As much as I'm glad you're happy, its sad knowing we'll never be like before.

So you're on talking terms with her again and I'm cast to the side once more. It okay, I'm getting used to this same old routine. And you, you used to be mine.

Mortal: Please cheer up okay, it saddens me to see you like this. I'm glad you told me some stuff and I'm sorry everytime we talk I always go on and on about my problems. You make me so happy all the time, with your little surprises and such. <3 you

Amah: I'm so happy for you. I'm glad you're seeing things from another view. Thanks for always being there, you and your great advices!

And though she's so far away,
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on

Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
Cause heaven knows.

My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You've gotta set her free

These thorns in my side

2006-09-29T23:03:00.000+08:00

Huangdi introduced this new book today which was actually very retarded and interesting in a way. Kinda like those 10-12 year stories about spies and adventures. Well anyway, Pan and I started reading the 1st one while huangdi was on the 5th volume while liu was doing physics dilligently (: Somehow I get tickled by the book's stupidness and I kept laughing to myself. Imagine what other people thought about me.

What are we now? You used to tell me almost everything, or at least that's what I thought. Sometimes, I don't want to ask before you tell me, you know?

Sometimes it's wrong to walk away
Though you think it's over
Knowing there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
You just want to change the way the world goes round

Tell me
Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see
That's the way I feel, about you and me
Have you ever felt that your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking
I should know
Cause I loved and lost the day I let you go

Maybe i'm a target for people that are bitter

2006-09-28T21:03:00.000+08:00

I was really mean to huangdi today cause I found out something super funny about her common test.

After library I was waiting outside and then I heard this car, the engine sounded like a failure to start. So I looked over and since the sun was shining on the windows, I couldn't really see properly. After staring for like a whole minute or so I realised the couple inside was making out. Omg I was so embarrassed I quickly walked away.

I know there's a million reasons why I shouldn't call

All the things we talk about You know they stay on my mind

2006-09-26T22:57:00.000+08:00

Volleyball was good today though I don't like it that much. I'm really looking forward to games carnival (:

Tickets for Natalie are selling out fast, and we saw one of our costumes today (: There won't be a concert next year so I'm really afraid that I'll regret if this year I don't _____________________ . But I'm still not sure if I should.

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

All the things we talk about You know they stay on my mind

2006-09-26T22:49:00.000+08:00

Volleyball was good today though I don't like it that much. I'm really looking forward to games carnival (:

Tickets for Natalie are selling out fast, and we saw one of our costumes today (: There won't be a concert next year so I'm really afraid that I'll regret if this year I don't ________________. But I'm still not sure if I should.

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There you are, giving up the fightHere I am begging you to try

2006-09-25T22:06:00.000+08:00

Well the same old thing happens again. I get confused, sad and pissed at the same time, maybe its because I'm overly sensitive, I always am. And everyone around says you should say how you truly feel. So I do, but it takes a turn for the worst. I feel the insecurity again, things start to get weird, sooner or later we'll stop talking, I can just picture that so clearly now. You've moved on, you've got others, I guess it was just my high hopes that you would be by my side forever.

I sometimes see you pass outside my door

2006-09-24T21:36:00.000+08:00

I intended to study half of geog today but all I did was watch tv, eat, read jlc and accupuncture. I'm so un motivated for EOYs.

Somehow I always imagine that on a friday you will talk to me and then everything will be perfect once more.

If you can tell me something worth fighting for

Too many times I've cared too much

2006-09-23T22:36:00.000+08:00

We were supposed to be studying but liu and I ended up talking for an hour plus. It felt so good talking to her, I miss last year.

Well I thought I was finally getting over it and moving along but your letter had to fall in front of me and I just had to read it again. Or maybe its because I listened to Konstantine again. Everytime we walk past each other like strangers, it hurts but I'm getting used to it.

I'm still upset over that but I guess I'm too much of a coward to say the truth.

Puay: I'm updating but you're still not tagging. Can't wait for Monday, episode 5!

I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through

Every night's getting longer
And this fire is getting stronger
I'll swallow my pride and I'll be alive
Did you hear my call
I surrender all

Cause I'm not ready for a goodbye

2006-09-21T22:25:00.000+08:00

EOYs are nearing and somehow I don't feel as much pressure as I should. I kinda figured out Natalie, the concert, means more to me and I'll spend more time preparing for it than the exams. I saw the tickets the other day and they were rather fugly ):

Things have been pretty downhill since forever.

I got so upset that I broke my diet and ate chips.

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

Cause it's breaking my heartWhen i look in your eyesAnd i don't see me anymore

2006-09-15T22:45:00.000+08:00

I see how you hurt like shit after drifting from her and I can't help but think if things weren't like that between you two I wouldn't even be in the picture. I can empathize with you and it's not that I don't want to hear your troubles because really, I do. Its just that sometimes I feel worthless and stupid and the only reason I'm here is to hear you pour out your sorrows. I mean, even during for a period of time when we don't talk so often or what, you don't even notice for goodness sake. And I think if we ever do drift like you and her, you won't even hurt like you do now and that thought hurts like fuck.

2006-09-09T23:47:00.000+08:00

At first I thought I was in the right and you, was being the cowardly one, afraid to tell me how you really felt and all. But I guess I finally realised why things are such.

We were talking that day and he said, "Do you think you and her are worth saving? Has she ever made you felt like the most important person in the world?"

Immediately I knew the answer was yes, and then I questioned myself the exact same thing, and I realised I've never done anything special for you, or at least made you feel appreciated. It has always been you and I took you for granted. So I guess I finally understand why you think us not being together is the best.

Etched with marks, but I can deal

2006-09-04T21:39:00.000+08:00

______, I hate the way you make me feel like the only party talking and you're just keep taking it in time after time. The way you pretend everything is alright and the grass is green on your side when we both know its not. I'm sorry you're not able to confide in me but I hope you do tell someone.

_______, I hate the way you treat me like plan B even though you say you don't. Sure, I believe you, but how long can I keep this up, when I see it happen time and again. You used to be able to confide in me but now why do I feel as if you've someone else, someone better? I'm glad for you, in a way, but its getting tiring to keep up with your endless game plans. You can be so sweet at times but at others I question myself where I really stand in your heart. And the truth is, I really don't know. Your words are assurance but I can't get myself to believe them at times.

____, I hate the way you've changed. How we were able to talk about everything under the sun, but now? But how can I say that when I supposed I, myself have changed. Why do I feel that we're in some competition and every step is just an effort to be on par with you so I can understand you? You're no longer the same person I used to love.

_________, I hate everything about the way we are now. Why is it you and her can go through a rough patch and become okay again but we can't? And the way you used to hate her, but now I see you so close to her, or at least closer than we are, and it hurts like fuck. I can call you a liar but feelings change, then again, how would I know how you feel about everything now. I don't understand anything about us anymore.

I opened my diary and your letter fell out. I read it again and tears welled up as usual, can you be just as honest about your feelings as you were then? I remembered the bougainvillea incident the other day. How we were standing outside your class and Onyu asked if we were dating and you said yes. She went, "How come no flowers?" and you ran to the opposite corridor to pluck a branch. God, i miss you

But then again, who am I to say anything.

Till then,

2006-08-20T23:25:00.000+08:00

Before you kill your idols, kiss them goodnight

2006-08-19T10:46:00.000+08:00

It's dumb now how everyone cant talk to everyone and there's only this one person you can tell your stuffs too. Do you know how awkward it is for me to walk with the two of you? Its just silent cause i know you want to tell her about that someone else and likewise for you too but you can't because I'm there. I get so fucking sick of it I just walk in front, alone, and I can hear the two of you start talking already. Perhaps you two don't even realise it, and i don't blame you guys. Maybe it's my fault for not being interested or concerned about your stuffs.

I was so hurt when i saw it, I can't believe I was so oblivious and I'm truly sorry. I love you, I know I hardly say it. Maybe perhaps that's why you don't realise how much I care for you. I said before that i will too, double, for everytime you do it and I'm not kidding.

I may not say it quite as much as I should
When I say I love you darling that means for good
So open up your heart and let me in
And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear

2006-08-16T19:37:00.000+08:00

And if we both agree that we shouldn't be together why does it hurt so much?
Did I just give up the best thing I ever had?

But it's sad to say sometimesShe says she loves me not

2006-08-15T22:36:00.000+08:00

Till blogging has a deeper meaning than complaining about the pathetic life I lead, I'm taking a break.

Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there's something left for me
So please come stay with me
Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me

Move along, move along like I know you do

2006-08-14T19:00:00.000+08:00

Dearest is superly dumb for being afraid of the dentist and needed 5 of us to wait outside for her. At first i was supposed to hold her hand inside the room okay, but we spent the time outside talking to Mr. Imran. He's funny and all and I'm glad he isn't our teacher because I'm sure he'll moodswing one day. We were asking him about our SANA badge and he said jokingly, "Audrey Lai Huiru you are getting more and more irritating. Last year you were so sweet lor. What happen this year? Must be going through, what you call it, puberty?" Gosh it was so bloody hillarious krys was tearing with laughter. And dearest I'm so proud of you, you didn't scream or cry! <3

Attempted to study physics after that but got more irritated and listening to lu's nano and 'kissing' at the kissing part but joanna was so distracting walking around and Mr Lee was talking super loudly on her phone!

There's so much more I want to say that's not in the letter but its hard to when we're not face to face. Can you please just talk to me, soon?
I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry
I hate it when you're not around
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you

Sometimes I get wondering if anything will last

2006-08-12T09:40:00.000+08:00

What the sec 2s said was so hurting, even if they meant it in a joking way. To think we were glad to get this squad, only to be greeted with hurtful remarks. Thanks a lot. Evaluation after that only made me think that __________. So we think we are nice, lenient, to the squad and the squad already thinks we are mean to them. But others say we are too nice to them, so now what? Double faced? Dinner after that, i got abit worked up over the fact that so many people presumed i thought that i was going to get that post. Not that i ever wanted it in the first place. Its dumb when people assume they know what you want.

Well its gotten to a point where people ask about you and me and "dont know, dont care" doesn't seem to work anymore.

I couldn't see paradise right before my eyes
When I had you here by my side
I didn't know that no-one else
Could ever take your place
But, now I know
I know that I should have stayed
And seeing you tonight
I only wonder why
I ever said goodbye

Any other fool would never walk away
Even a fool would still be there
Holding you
Any other fool would know I never
Should have let you go
I had it all as any fool could see
Any other fool but me,

Anyone else never would have let the feeling die
Anyone else would have fought to keep it alive
If they were in my shoes
They'd know the love we had
Was love too good to lose

Make me whole once again

2006-08-10T20:42:00.000+08:00

Dinner with the SYSF people and Choo today. It was extremely hillarious and we couldn't last 10 seconds without laughing. So anyway, they wanted to take neoprints after that and Choo took with us! Results were funny. Waited for Dad with Huiyu after that and it was pure gossip (:

Past two days gave me a lot of time to think about stuff. Pimrapee left yesterday and the group of us Marymountains sent her off. Even though we haven't talked in a year or so, seeing her back view through the glass just made me cry. She was one of my most trusted primary school friends and I'll miss her so very much. US is rather, far away.

And then there's you. Sometimes I have something of great importance to share and I'll think of you. Then it takes me another 5 seconds to realise that well, we don't talk anymore.

We built it up to watch it fall
Like we meant nothing at all
I gave and gave the best of me
But couldn't give you what you need
You walked away, you stole my life
Just to find what you're looking for,
But no matter how I try,
I can't hate you anymore.

Sometimes you hold so tight,
It slips right through your hands.

2006-08-09T14:25:00.000+08:00

Goodbye Pim, I love you.

2006-08-07T22:54:00.000+08:00

Today made me think about us even more. It's kinda strange how you used to always take my side last time, even when at times you knew i was in the wrong. But now it seems that everytime there's a conflict you're always on the other side of the line. I don't blame you, i just wonder what happened to us. Tell me when you're ready.

2006-07-31T22:46:00.000+08:00

Before you kill your idols, kiss them goodnight

It's nothing but some feelings

2006-07-30T15:43:00.000+08:00

Army market to get boots today but i'll have to wait till next week to collect them. Walked around aimlessly for awhile before smsing dearest and luckily she told me to ask the guy or not i would have bought those ugly pointed boots that logistics has.

pompom: i bought your socks for you (:

Josh is a 1.82 idiot who says I'm vertically challenged and that i have a long body but short legs. Hmph.

I'm confused about horoscopes (just like i am with honeystars). How they're all so true and shit. Reading every week's one just makes me paranoid for the week ahead.

And i read all your old testimonials and tags and letters and entries because i miss you. Since you're not with me, at least i have these memories to fall back on.

It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up

Don't tell me it's time to goI think my watch is too slow

2006-07-29T20:39:00.000+08:00

Activity today and i think it turned out pretty good (: Though the fall out rate was quite high. Drills after that. At the start was just me and 8 of the sec 2s. Starting very sian cause they don't know a lot of new drills and it was just marching there and back. But towards the end was very funny cause they were all so blur and cute doing bergerak. The whole squad after that and they did a pretty demo! And the swinging arms thing was funny. Oh and Tan noticed something bout one of them which was extremely hillarious and we couldnt say command cause we were laughing our asses off.

Dearest, I'm glad you liked the balloon. I miss you, and our talks <3
Bestie, today was so damn fab!
GP, thanks for the msg! Very touched can (:
Puay, things with the sec 1 squad will get better, they're not all that bad (:

I think you should know
I'm not letting you go

Slow down my love you're confusing me

2006-07-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

Geog was okay today. Just that I don't like it when people _______. And we didn't get called upon for ipw.

Shooting finals after school. Boy, did we scream. Ken is the cutest (: Long train home with puay after that and we talked about stupid things as usual. Haha. Puay, don't you realise we always end up talking about buses, mrt rides and sleeping.

I like to hold you still, remind you of all you've missed

You've been gone, and I've been in a tranceThis heart needs a second chanceDon't say it's over I just can't say goodbye

2006-07-27T19:09:00.000+08:00

I don't remember much from today except lit test and UNSW. The latter was so stupid, the last few questions i randomly filled in some numbers and after the test mortal and i found out we had two same answers (: Lit was okay, though i'm pretty sure i screwed it up. Assembly was amusing at first but it got boring and i kept nodding off to sleep.

After school was fun. Studying geog and all but not understanding a thing. Pan, Tan, Char left for like one hr so that leaves 2.4 and comforting hand (:

Book Report, IPW Presentation, Geog test. Tomorrow's not gonna be good.

All i want, is for you to be my number one again. Because there's so many people around you, who become head of their CCA and in excos and such, you're so much better off with them. I don't think you need me anymore, I just bring you disappointment.

I wanna be near you
If only you'd feel like I do
I must 've had it wrong, I should have known
Somebody like you could break my heart
Somebody like you could tear my world apart
Somebody like you could keep me in the dark
Somebody like you could break my heart
I knew that I was fallin
I could hear your heart beat callin
I was hopin you'd be mine before the night was through
Darlin
I could keep on loving you
If there's a chance to somehow break through

I oughta know better, I just oughta let goMan I've got to be crazy, some kind of fever

2006-07-26T20:07:00.000+08:00

It's a bad bad day today.

On another note, we changed places and im sitting with mortal and lu.

Well I don't know why I feel the way that I do
through all these years, but I still think of you
You're in my dreams,
I have seen the life we should have had
But I'm so glad that the truth is out at last

What can I do with a love like this in my heart?
So what can I do, It's tearin' me apart
So what can I do, What can I do

Why can't you see that it's you I've always loved?
I travelled far with mem'ries I'm thinkin' of
Through all of this time thought my love would have passed
But I know now that our love was meant to last

What can I do with a love like this in my heart?
What can I do Babe, it's tearin' me apart?

Oh it's been a while since we been alone
And I know it's sad but I'd die for your love

I close my eyes and I see you by my side,
My hopes and dreams of our love is my desire
I want you to know that this love is still alive
So I held on to a lie I had to try

It's so damn easy, when your feelings are suchTo overprotect her, to love her too much

2006-07-25T20:26:00.000+08:00

PE today was funny, I like the teacher.

SPA was scary, i made a huge mistake but luckily realised it 15 mins before it ended and re-did the entire thing. Oh well, lots more spas to come. Math was astonishingly slack for the first time, Tan and I are leading in the points system thing, so exciting (: We did not have any more questions to do for half an hour or so. So unlike mdm lee.

Chem remedial after that. In the new MPR or whatever it's called. It's so nice and cosy and i fell asleep but not long after gonghua jabbed me with a pen, real hard.

NP room after that. NP room is rather haunted :/ And we got all high at one point singing weird childhood songs like captain planet. Macs after that. Fries plus twister fries. We shared and gobbled up so fast it was scary.

It's amazing how you can say so much yet not do a thing.

A table set for dinner only just for one
Staring at your empty chair
Remembering all of the crazy laughs we shared
Last time you were sitting there
I can hear you voice still calling out my name,
And smell your scent upon the pillow next to me,
Imagining your kisses when I close my eyes,
But they don't replace you holding me,

Our house is not a home when I'm alone here,
Summer turns to winter when you're gone,
And all I see are clouds outside my window,
Everytime you walk out that door,

In the morning as I slowly wash my face
Feel you, sneaking up on me

But my reflection staring tells me everything,
I'm alone, your're not really there,

I can hear your voice still calling out my name,
And smell your scent upon the pillow next to me,
Imagining your kisses when I close my eyes,
But they don't replace you holding me,

Our house is not a home when I'm alone here,
Summer turns to winter when you're gone,
And all I see are clouds outside my window,
Everytime you walk out that door,

I'm not sayin that I just can't live without you,
But my life is so much better with you here,
You turn dark to light and make everything alright
By my side

You always smile but in you eyes your sorrow shows

2006-07-24T23:17:00.000+08:00

Take care
I've been hurt before
Too much time spent on closing doors
You may hate me, but I'll remember to love you
Goodbye
Don't cry
You know why
And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything

All the waves of blame arrange as broken scenery
As they steal your best memories away
What if I was someone different in your only history?
Would you feel the same
As I walk out the door
Never to see your face again

And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
It'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything to change when I leave

Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your loveBut I want, want, want to be your love

2006-07-23T16:24:00.000+08:00

Talked to olivia online for quite a long while last night and she told me 3 stupid jokes that made me laugh to the comp. And and and we discovered stuff we had in common like reading horoscopes and such. I <3 my comforting hand and i hope you're no longer sad over that. Hope you read this (:

Tuition today was boring. I was smsing most of the time because i was being ignored and had nothing to do as Ms Ng was teaching the rest some shit A level stuff. Thomson after that, i saw someone i knew from a long time ago. And i hate the awkwardness when you say hi to someone and then have nothing to say after that, so i didnt acknowledge her presence. And and and i saw another someone i used to have a minor crush on last time :/

You're treating me like a fucking substitute but you don't even know it, haha.

You're gonna hate me when I tell you everything
You're gonna question whether you really know me at all
You will revisit every smile, and where it fit into the day
I know this is how it will play
And I try, oh I try to think of all the things
That I could do to let you know that I love you

Even so

I was not looking to do you wrong
Was not looking for a change of scenery
Don't remember where, or when, or how I did
But I'm hoping that you'll forgive me
And I try, oh I try to think of all the things
That I could do to let you know that I love you

Do you remember how we used to run in the summertime?
Do you remember how we'd run in the summertime?

Oh I try, I try so very hard
And I cry, I cry so very much
For I love you like you'll never let yourself feel again
I love you like ~~a brother and~~ a friend
I love you with my whole heart until it bends
I love you like a lover until the very end

But I'll always think of all the things
You did to let me know that you love me
But you're leaving
Even so

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face

2006-07-22T12:29:00.000+08:00

POP yesterday. Parade was rather funny. Was trying not to laugh the entire time because danielle is simply funny! Tan and I got the loudest applause thanks to our lovely squad. Krys was jealous! Dinner was singing silly songs and eating a few bites.

After that, puay's stupid letter made tan and joy cry, which made me cry and hugs all around. Haha, some people hug super weirdly, so uncomfortable! Tried singing more songs but its always one verse before breaking down again. Waiting for dad after that, left joy and me. But she was taking bus so i asked her to go back first. Which leaves, me, Mr Tan and erm father barre. Super awkward and he asked a lot of weird questions :/ Thankfully the car came soon.

POP was a success thanks to the the lovely ICs

GP: I love your present, it's not ugly at all (:
PUAY: Haha, yours cant be as exciting as ours okay!

Like the girl who believed in miracles, I'm used to disappointment

Please don't leave me standing with my heart in my hand
I can't last here
I'm breaking down, and no one understands why I got here
But I knew from the very first moment that I met you
You'd be the one

I feel it's been such a long timeSince her eyes have met with mine.

2006-07-20T20:45:00.000+08:00

After school was most fun today, hiding/sleeping in the box. It's seriously comfortable and best of all, it's mine (: Then walking to the canteen and making a fool out of ourselves with the big box on our head.

I hate it when people talk about cancer, it makes me cry. Well so do those tributes on Singapore Idol for the eliminated one each week.

Dearest <3

I've been gone for a long time
waiting on the sidelines
hoping for a chance to play

Shadows grow so long before my eyes

2006-07-19T19:06:00.000+08:00

After school today, went to make napfa challenge windbreaker, but it was ugly and ex. Oh well. Shall find a nice one soon.

Bestfriend and I have so many plans for the sec 2s its exciting!

I've missed Mr Lee for 8 days already ):

I have sworn everytime
Thoughts of you would leave my head
I was wrong now I find

2006-07-18T20:14:00.000+08:00

And now that i know who you've been referring to all these while, I'm sorry i was so oblivious.

Right now, I'm just in so much pain baby

2006-07-17T19:53:00.000+08:00

I just can't get over the fact that some sec 2s think that I'm unhappy over my post just because i cried during the parade. I think i'm overly sensitive, to still be bothered about this but i can't help it. Thanks loads to Joanna who stood up for me on their tagboards. <3

School passed really quickly today. Huangdi walked around the level with me this morning and i thought about a lot of stuff though i didn't say much, then she also gave me some waxed thing (: Listening compre after school and before that we ate mian xian and we got irritated by having to keep taking the sauces on a spoon there and back and there still wasnt taste. So tan and i went to get the 2 big bottles to the table. How auntie!

Before listening got real high and played childish games. The invigilator was funny and i was hyperventilating. Puay was laughing to herself from the other corner of the room.

Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me, in your memory

so easy to say the words goodbyeso hard to let the feelings die

2006-07-16T22:47:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry i've disappointed you, twice now. It's just that, there are other people out there so much better than me, you know?

It turns out that everything I say to youComes out wrong and never comes out right

2006-07-15T20:04:00.000+08:00

Pre-pop today. Attendance was such a torture this time round. Deco-ed the family lounge after that. It turned out real pretty! Or at least to me. The putting/blowing of coloured paper was funniest.

Then parade. Posts were announced. Sec 3 NCO 2007 with TAN. I was so happy i was crying when i stood in front of the squad. I'm happy about my post but not about other's. Kaypo it may seem but I just can't stand it.

Lunch after that. It was a pretty funny affair. Performance, ours wasn't all that good but cried all the same. Actually is I see Joanna cry then i cry, haha. Eh tan, we said we both won't cry one lor!

You make me feel like such an idiot

If you loved me as much as you said you did
Then you wouldn't have hurt me like I ain't shit
Now you pushed me away like you never even knew me
I loved you with my heart, really and truly

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret
So I will not forget. I will not forget
How this felt one year six months ago
I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

I can tell that you don't know me anymore
It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
And being on this road is anything but sure
Maybe we'll forget, I hope we don't forget

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

So many nights, legs tangled tight
Wrap me up in a dream with you
Close up these eyes, try not to cry
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you

How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables

I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Dont think its too late

2006-07-11T22:58:00.000+08:00

I can't help but think you used me to get to her.

And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

It must have been love, but it's over now

2006-07-10T20:08:00.000+08:00

Today's a very terribly sad disappointing day.

Don't go you know you will break my heart
She won't love you like I will
I'm the one who'll stay
When she walks away
And you know I'll be standing here still

I'll be waiting for you
Here inside my heart
I'm the one who wants to love you more
You will see I can give you
Everything you need
Let me be the one to love you more

See me as if you never knew
Hold me so you can't let go
Just believe in me
I will make you see
All the things that your heart needs to know

And some way all the love that we had can be saved
Whatever it takes we'll find a way

I didnt mean to hurt youI'm sorry that I made you cryI was feeling insecureYou might not love me anymore

2006-07-09T22:07:00.000+08:00

Went trekking with mum today, haven't been in such a long while. We only did 7km though, it was pretty fun. I said i wasn't hungry after trekking and so showered and went for tuition. However i wasn't feeling hungry but my stomach was, and it kept growling during tuition, rather loudly. How embarrassing. And this is one noise you cannot control.

Town after that. Okay i think i accidentally bought a sports that i already have, but i'm not really sure. Oh well. I saw only 6 people with nice shoes in town. What a disappointing day.

I have a splitting headache even though i already had my coffee for the day. No longer excited for tomorrow's 2.4 trial run.

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

Why do you build me upJust to let me down

2006-07-08T20:55:00.000+08:00

Tuition today was funny. The new guy was there again and i feel sorry for him cause he doesnt have a 'usual seat' like us so he always sits on whichever place is empty. Poor thing. And he has a funny name and takes ten whole seconds before answering, liu and i kept giggling to ourself. When Ms Ng taught something new, we got used to it in awhile but he still didn't! We were not being mean or saying he is stupid but he really took damn long and was so blur. I kept laughing to myself.

Haircut after that. I was pretty excited cause i love haircuts but this time it was pretty awful. I'm refusing to go to town tomorrow or to school the day after. Yes, that bad. But it's okay because whoever laughs at it will get beaten up by my gang. Which consists of me and tan :/ I am lao da and tan is lao er.

I received a passion card in the mail today. Pretty surprising since I already had one and this one was from Punggol Park CC. How weird. Puay and Pompom received too, but theirs are from Ciyuan CC. So random it's funny.

Hopefully Friday turns out good.

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you

I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad, I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time

Hold onI'm feeling like I'm headed for aBreakdown

2006-07-07T19:54:00.000+08:00

Infomercial was screwed but we had fun anyway. devil ooh the devil oh the devil! haha. So anyway.. i liked very good friend and puay's one the best. And my mortal was the sweetest! She read my archives and on some April's post, i said that cadbury makes people happy and today she gave me a bar of cadbury chocolate and a letter! Actually she put it in an envelope under my table but i didn't notice until she smsed.

Went out with bestfriend and dearest after school. We took quite long to decide and stoned in the canteen for awhile but soon we were off. On the bus i sat next to this girl who was reading some comic and i was peering over to read. It was funny so i laughed, out loud. Dearest and bestfriend were laughing at me though, oh well.

We met this weird couple in wisma who asked us what school were we from, where it was, how much the school fee was. Apparently their daughter's coming to Singapore to study next year. The funny thing was they spoke terribly hard to understand English & Chinese. And they asked each question like 5 times so we had to keep repeating.

We watched Garfield. Well only because the silly dearest wanted to watch! It was quite nice la, but horribly short. Bestfriend and I fell asleep though, but bestfriend slept for very long okay! I only slept a short while. Dearest was cold and kept hugging my hand but i was cold too. At the end of the show, we discovered bestfriend and i were sitting on couple seats, so we lifted up the arm rest and i squeezed myself next to her. But dearest being the silly one, jumped onto my seat to squeeze with us. She pratically pounced on me! So the 3 of us were sitting on two seats and bestfriend was like "We should have just bought 2 tickets!" Haha, so childish.

Walked around after that. While we were walking, there was this guy wearing orange crocs. WITH SOCKS. It was hillarious and bestfriend did the stupidest thing ever! She pointed at his crocs and laughed. Haha and i think he saw. So silly la she. Went to taka toy section to see see. We were practically going through childhood all over again. Then we went to the other toy store which has this cute aeroplane that i'm in love with! Then we went to art friend and did stupid things. Like using the wooden alphabets to form barbie, ken and kelly. Kelly is my wallpaper now, it's pretty. Then we went to the styrofoam section and i wore the styrofoam hat. Bestfriend and dearest promptly took pictures of retarded me.

I forgot what we did next, i think we walked somemore and then went home. Today was one of the best days i had in ages.

PS. Sitting with bestfriend is making me more and more childish! See the way i talk and type now ):

I knew you disliked me but i didn't know it was to the extent that you had to tell other people about me and made her dislike me as well. It's funny how i could tell you everything last time. I trusted you, that much.

I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life

To feel this pain with you,

2006-07-06T20:17:00.000+08:00

Interview today. Damn i screwed it up. Why must they ask questions like that? I didn't mean to break down, i told myself i wouldn't before the interview, but haha i couldnt help it la, so scary. I was complaining about the interview and someone said that since everyone screwed it up, everyone is level again. Haha quite true.

Choo needs to come back soon. Siti's lessons are just so boring we just sleep in front of her. Mdm Sua (?!) is so act funny she's not.

Two Kinds presentation today. Haha, Jacob had something to say about pratically every point la. But that's what you get for last minute work i guess.

On a random note, i need a haircut desperately.

If I could be your angel
I'd trade in my arms for some wings
To keep you close to me.
And if I could trade my voice
For the silence I know that you need.
How I want, how I want to deserve you.

Sealed with lies through so many tears

2006-07-05T23:40:00.000+08:00

Oral was a relief. Before that was jus high-ness. Tan and i were childish today. We kept hitting each other. JLC after school was quite unproductive. Dearest was talking nonsense, as in just total nonsense. I love the 2 of them, they make staying back fun (:

But through my tears breaks a blinding light
Birthing a dawn to this endless night
Arms outstretched, awaiting me
An open embrace upon a bleeding tree

Rest in me and I'll comfort you
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you

Looking at a crowded streetListening to my own heart beat

2006-07-03T14:23:00.000+08:00

Well, reading that assured me once more that I'm plan B. Selfish to say, I guess I was once happy that you and her had some problems and we became close. It hurt that you kept going on about your problems with her and genuinely I wanted to help but I knew there was nothing I could have done anyway. It's good that you and her are, let's just say honest now and everything's going fine for the both of you. It pains me to be pushed to the sidelines now, at least until you and her drift again and i get substituted back into the game. I hope the two of you are happy. At least one of us is.

The 3 way convo made me happy today, at least for an hour or so. Thank you tan and v vn <3

I read the letter again, the one in the green envelope. You said we were starting over, but now its as if its over already. I used to be able to smile and laugh when you were around. I hope you make me laugh once more. Almost everyday we walk past each other and its as if we don't know one another anymore. I miss the days we were together. I don't even know if you come here anymore. But if you're reading this, just know that i still love you, very very much.

Between what is and what could be

2006-07-02T07:58:00.000+08:00

open house yesterday. reached school so dang early at 0645. did my very cool gadget with the asshole partner beijin (: then helped with basha. open house started and i pretty much stayed in the basha, sleeping with char and shiyun. its damn comfortable. but i think im allergic to grass cause now ive got rashes on my hands and legs, similar to the campcraft period.

at one point of time, they wanted to tighten the flagpole. i saw shiyun like trying very hard to pull, so i went forward to help her. but sorry, people not flagstaff one, stand there no use right? so didnt help much anyway. im sorry that only flagstaff people can do. only flagstaff people and her, i mean. somehow flagstaff people can help with basha and gadget. but the rest cannot help flagstaff. sorry flagstaff people are much pro-er than us. sorry we cant do anything to help. sorry we're lousy. next time, i wont even go and help, knowing "not flagstaff people how can tie?!" okay fine, you win. you're superior. i dont know what i ever did to you anyway.

we went to np room after that. and all of us were sleeping on the floor. went late for my science duty cause couldnt hear my phone vibrate. science was BORING. it was such a nerd room. spent the time talking to lynette and sneaking out with her to np/sj booth. haha.

the rashes are so bad i have to take medication now ):

Im sorry i have to say this but once again i feel like plan B. No, not plan B to anyone else but only plan B when she is plan A. Why is it that whenever she has done wrong, or only when she has drifted from anyone, will that anyone come and talk to me. The first person, it hurt so bad already. Then the second was neutral, i never really was close to her anyway. But now the third. It hurts and its killing me but i can't tell you. Why am i being compared to her anyway. What is it she and i have in common. Why is it only when people are having problems with her do they come to me. Its not the fact that I'm plan B that hurts, i can be plan Z and i wouldnt mind half this much. Its just the fact that she's always the plan A. I dont want to be plan A either, i just dont want to be her understudy. She never really did anything to me in the first place, but it hurts. I hate her for taking 2 of you from me. Then again, now 1 of you is okay with her already, Im back to being plan B. Thanks a lot, its nice to know i'll always be second best.

Do you know it hurts when i see your hand? I guess you don't.

I would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like it was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

and i wonder when you'll call me ____ again

Everytime i see you, its killing me inside. And i hate the way you pretend we never had anything in the past.

Tell me, will you stay or will you run away

2006-06-30T21:54:00.000+08:00

math test. so pissed with myself. thought there's only 1 page so i finish liao then stone and do the last question. then when 15 mins left, i realised got 2nd page and i took very long to draw the graph. didnt even finish. how freaking irritating.

last activity today. loads of laughter on the sec 2 side i guess pncos and squad are funny ppl (:

had a good talk with tan ytd. we have so much in common its scary.

the 2 sides of me, according to someone:
"One is nice and the other is the wicked twin. The wicked one is the smart one who goes to school and the nice one is the one that answers my sms."

Said we'd be forever
Said it'd never die
How could you love me and leave me
And never say good-bye?

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road

We don't even talk anymore
And we don't even know what we argued about

Now they can see the tears in our eyes
But we deny the pain that lies deep in our hearts
Well maybe that's a pain we can't hide
cause everybody knows that we're both torn apart
Why do we hurt each other
Why do we push love away

Is it turning over this time
Have we really changed our minds about each other's love
All the feelings that we used to share
I refuse to believe
That you don't care

When you went away from me
My dying heart made it hard to breathe
Would sit in my room
Because I didn't want to
Have to go out
And see you walking by
One look and I'd break right down and cry

I've been feeling this emptiness for sometime
Trying make do
But my world has been so crazy
Living without you
I'm a man not ashamed to admit my falls
Now that I know
But the only thing that matters now
I should have never let you go
Now every night before I go to sleep, I pray
That the lord would someday some how
Send you back my way

The road's not easyBut the feeling's strong

2006-06-29T20:16:00.000+08:00

No CIs tmr, and sec 4s probably all at squad bonding and post discussion. this makes me a very happy girl (:

And just reading that made me cry, for the hundredth time

here I am, waiting for a sign, I never seem to know
if you want me in your life, where do I stand
I just don't know
I never feel I know you
cause you blow hot and you blow cold
it seems I've grown attached though we're not the perfect match

I just want you to be happy
I might not be the right one, who knows
It hurts so much to see you decay
I just want you to find the way out
I just want you to be happy
You might not feel like talking to me
But it hurts so much to hear the silence
I'd rather hear you scream from your soul

You never tell me what the pain is for

I got jet lag and I never even left the groundSee it's like that every time you come around

2006-06-28T08:57:00.000+08:00

hello stranger,
it's been far too long

I still dream about youI won't give up, we are meant to be

2006-06-26T13:08:00.000+08:00

i dreamt i got married last night. the bad news, it was at ya kun. how weird.

when i came back from the doc just now, there was a huge bus at the carpark. a tour group. i mean, what kinda tour group goes to condos? and a very old and gross one in fact? furthermore they were taking pictures with the building. come on, was the zoo or sentosa fully booked or what?!

BeXfRieNdsR4eva~@singnet.com.sg

<3 bf

You're standing there, that look in your eye
You're looking for good ways to tell me good-bye
Something 'bout people, how they never know
They're loving somebody, then lettin' them go

I know you need to go
But before you do I want you to know, that I
Wish you the best
And I wish you nothing less
Than every thing you've ever dreamed of
And I hope that you find love along the way
But most of all
I wish you'd stay

Out there on that empty hardwood floor
The chairs up and the lights turned way down low
The music played, we held each other close
And we danced

Give me the strength, so I can help youAnd I can be strong now, they don't frighten me

2006-06-24T15:11:00.000+08:00

NATALIE
8th October 2006
Kreta Ayer People's Theatre

it's gonna be the prettiest damn thing in the whole entire world

the only time we talk is when its absolutely necessary
the only time we laugh is at each other
the only time we smile is in group photos
the only time we walk together is never

Believe me
You really don't have to worry
I only want to make you happy
And if you say
Hey, go away, I will

I'd rather die standingThan live on my knees

2006-06-23T22:58:00.000+08:00

last day of job attachment. tiring like shit. quite saddening actually. will miss the people there. esp junita& joanne. pizza hut after that then home. loved the mrt ride <3

How many heartaches must I stand
Before I find the love to let me live again
Right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on
when I feel my strength, it's almost gone

2006-06-21T21:01:00.000+08:00

as you can see from the lack of posts, job attachment is tiring ): but its fun nonetheless. some of the ppl there are super nice. well all we do is pour water, clear plates, set tables, wipe cutlery etc. but there are nice people to talk to. and the people there are weird, as in, they are mainly indian malay and chinese. but EVERYONE, okay almost everyone speaks malay and cantonese. and and AND, alot of them are from china or indonesia so they speak terribly hard to comprehend english, no offence.

him: take the tree here
me: HUH THE TREE?!
him: yeah the tree
me: -looks around for a plant of some sort- i dont know where's the tree
him: THERE! -points at tray-

him: bring the coloured sauce
us: -thinking how many colours sauce can come in- huh which one?
him: THERE! COLOURED SAUCE. -points at coloured SAUCER

hahaha. because of job attachment, i've been missing alot of world cup ): cause i'd be too tired and fall asleep. oh, and i hate germaine yeo for liking my harry kewell ):

oh and the other day, i was having dinner and on the phone with lu

lu: where are you eating?
me: tiong bahru market.
lu: oh, my grandmother lives there
me: YOUR GRANDMOTHER LIVES IN THE MARKET?!

and i swear it was so loud all the surrounding people turned to look at me. plus, i was sitting near the famous char kuey teow (idk how to spell) stall with a queue of 20 plus ppl and almost everyone looked in my direction. oh my gosh i've never been so embarrassed in a long long time. to make matters worse, i was sitting alone because my dad and sis went to buy food. gosh.

on a random note, i just knew that my 2 yr old nephew has a cancerous growth in his stomach. please pray for him. he's young and he's cute.

I'm taking my time
I'm trying to leave the memories of you behind
I'm gonna be fine
As soon as I get your picture right out of my mind

I wanna feel the way you make me feel
When I'm with you
I wanna be the only hand
You need to hold on to
But every time I call
You don't have time
I guess I'll never get to call you mine

You're nothing at all
I know there's a million reasons why I shouldn't call
With nothing to say
Could easily make this conversation last all day
Another lesson I didn't get to learn
You're my obsession
I've got nowhere to turn

I wanna be the one you hold on to

Never again, again.
Once more I'll let you back in
I know how the story ends
But I can't help myself
You'll break my heart I know
Through my tears I watch you go
Then just like it's always been
I'll say never again, again

Each time you leave
I say I've had enough
But I must be addicted
To your kind of love
I swear to myself
I'm gonna stand my ground
But one look at you
Breaks my defenses down

And here comes never again, again
Once more I'll let you back in
And just like it's always been
I'll say never again, again

And just like it's always been
I'll say never again, again

i've signed on the dotted line, now its your turn. that is, if you still rmb

2006-06-18T13:49:00.000+08:00

I wanna know
Who ever told you I was letting go
Of the only joy that I have ever known
Girl, they're lying

Just look around
And all of the people that we used to know
Have just given up, they wanna let it go
But we're still trying

So you should know this love we share was never made to die
I'm glad we're on this one way street just you and I
Just you and I

I'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again

All over again

Some people say
That everything has got its place in time
Even the day must give way to the night
But I'm not buying
Cos in your eyes
I see a love that burns eternally
And if you see how beautiful you are to me
You'll know I'm not lying

Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye
But even if we try
There are something's in this life won't be denied
Won't be denied

The more I know of you is the more I know I love you
And the more that I'm sure I want you forever and ever more
The more that you love me, the more that I know
Oh that I'm never gonna let you go
Gotta let you know that I

I'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again

this just seems to fit perfectly now doesn't it?

Can't remember the timeWhen your time was mine

2006-06-17T22:09:00.000+08:00

If you see me walking down the street
And I start to cry, each time we meet
Walk on by
Make believe that you dont see the tears
Yes let me grieve in private
cos each time I see you I break down and cry
Oh walk on by
I just cant get over losing you
And if I seem broken in two
Walk on by
Foolish pride, that's all I have left
So let me hide the tears and the sadness
You gave me when you said goodbye
Oh walk on by

Catch myself, from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy, everyday
I know I will be ok

But Im
So confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be

So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You'll be out of my mind
I'll be over you

Holding back what you feel inside
It just aint good, no, it just aint right
Communication is the key, if I tell you will you tell me

Tell me how you feel, got to know what's on your mind
Tell me how you feel, cos its no good to keep
Those thoughts locked inside

Should my tender heart be brokenI will cry those teardrops knowingI will be just fine

2006-06-17T21:09:00.000+08:00

im kinda looking forward to job attachment, how exciting. though the pay is like, bleah.

edit: TERM 3 OUTLINE APPROVED. LIKE, FINALLY. WE'RE THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD NOW

Superfantastic
Everything is beautiful
Nothing's too tragic
In the heads of happy people
Bedtime stories, morning glories
Blue skis and the perfect life
For you and me

You hurt me
and you made me cry
but if you leave me
I will surely die

A fire burns, in the mind,Torching once fundamental truths

2006-06-16T21:36:00.000+08:00

town today with my dearest (: she made me wait 20mins okay. and i hate waiting, but its okay, cause today turned out great. a funny conversation:

me: where are we going?
her: im taking you to town.
me: why must you take me? i can go myself what.
her: cause you're the girl -PAUSE- eh im a girl also

HAHA the silly goose. she's the man was funny and nice. except the couple behind was so retardedly irritating, i wanted to throw the popcorn at him. walked around after that and pan was being childish and wanted to get a balloon from the gatsby promoters. so i kindly asked for one for her (how embarrassing) and when i passed it to pan i let go before she got it so up and away the balloon went. thus i had to embarrass myself again and get another one for her. anything for my dearest (:

Hey there
I know it's hard to feel
like I don't care at all
Where you are and how you feel
Put these lights off as these wheels
keep rolling on and on
Slow things down or speed them up
Not enough or way too much
How are you when I'm gone?

Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to findI tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind

2006-06-15T15:12:00.000+08:00

on tues we had pop discussion and after that lu waited with me for debbie, to get jubilate tickets. so anyway, we were at macs eating mcflury. and then lu noticed the cup said 'may contain peanuts'. and as you know, stupid comments like that make me laugh very loud. lu dared me to ask the person why, so i did. and the guy damn poor thing. he asked the counter people, then even the manager, and came back saying 'sorry i dont know' HAHA. oh and i finished the chem paper, with lu's motivation (:

unit outing was somewhat okay. well done pompom and krys (: evaluation after that with ct, it was just gossiping session okay. i think we bitched about every single person, haha. dinner after that, pretty high and definitely LOUD.

tan is just embarrassing me on her blog ): haha but that's what best friends do!

im so looking forward to tmr (:

Now, if you're gonna let me down
Let me down easy
So I won't be too hurt
After you've gone

I never knew with you I had it all
Guess I couldn't see the writing that was on the wall
Sometimes you have to go away just to find
That what you're searching for is exactly what you left behind

2006-06-12T22:17:00.000+08:00

Woke up today thinking of you
Another night that I made my way through
So many dreams still left in my mind
But they can never come true
I press rewind and remember when
I close my eyes and I'm with you again
But in the end I can still feel the pain every time I hear your name

The sun won't shine since you went away
Seems like the rain's falling every day
There's just one heart, where there once was two
But that's the way it's gotta be,
'til I get over you...

Walked through the park, in the evening air
I heard a voice and I thought you were there
I run away but I just can't escape
Memories of you everywhere
They say that time will dry the tears
But true love burns for a thousand years
Give my tomorrows for one yesterday
Just to know that I could have you here

When will this river of tears stop fallin'
Where can I run so I won't feel alone
Can't walk away when the pain keeps callin'
I've just gotta take it from here on my own
But it's so hard to let go

I'm trying so hard not to care but you're happy now and it's not fair
Just when I thought that I was getting strong I see you with her I was wrong
Now I can pretend that losing you didn't mean a thing
And I can deny that this whole thing's not happening
To hold it inside...it's killing me, it's hurting me. If you could only see

It hurts when I thought I had gotten over you
It hurts when together forever won't come true

I'll sail on your smile I'll glide on your touchI'll talk to your eyes that I love so much

2006-06-12T21:18:00.000+08:00

prep was kinda boring, i didnt know kerosene stung that bad. but buying food was fun. gossiping with puay again. and omg i had no idea puay was so bian tai. im looking forward to unit outing and i hope something will happen.

I know theres something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
Youve built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
Theyre swept away and nothing is what is seems,
The feeling of belonging to your dreams.

And there are voices
That want to be heard.
So much to mention
But you cant find the words.
The scent of magic,
The beauty thats been
When love was wilder than the wind.

2006-06-11T00:32:00.000+08:00

tan and i were randomly talking about shuai cousins or cousin's cousins and i realised that SOMEONE is going overseas to study ): oh and when i went back to msia i realised all the msian bengs are getting cuter (:

haha. tan embarrasses me all the time. but its okay, BESTFRIENDS GO THROUGH THICK AND THIN TOGETHER (:

I was a midnight rider on a cloud of smoke

2006-06-10T18:53:00.000+08:00

last day today. not much feelings though. i'll miss cindy, she's really nice. our grp pretty much sucks cause of the retarded guys who go LAME at every single thing. it was funny at first but it just got irritating after that. at the last part we had to write a good comment for each person on their paper, and omg i just could not think of a single positive comment for them. sorry but yes. in the end i just wrote they were friendly. haha.

krys imitated the CC with puay's specs on and she didnt realise the CC just came to our group. it was hillarious cause everyone noticed before her and burst out laughing. puay kept saying she's HOT. as in, yeah, hot.

oh i forgot to mention one retarded thing. when we go into shelter we have to take off our beret. BERET, not hairnet. so we look like retarded ppl with hairnets on. somehow other schools do this all the time so they were quite used to it. but omg it felt so unglam and weird! puay looked like a nun, seriously.

home after that then tuition. liu didnt come, i felt, lonely. some new guy joined the class and he sat at my usual seat. how irritating.

pan's leaving tmr. i'll miss you (:

So what's the glory in living
Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore
And if love never lasts forever
Tell me what's forever for

Oh look now
There you go with hope again
Oh you're so sure
I'll be leaving in the end

but I'm not

But if the fire within your heart can beat the stormWell I believe we can make it right

2006-06-09T20:57:00.000+08:00

lmsc was so much better today. uniform check was okay la, not as bad as we imagined. but before lunch the CC (camp coordinator) was pissed and made us pump. somehow it was funny.

we had to change to pt kit in 7 mins. usually that is an okay time. but 200 ppl and 3 toilets?! that's just madness. so he was like "7 mins...MOVE!" then EVERYONE was like snatching their bags and running. lu was like "omg like got volcano eruption" then I just turned to the left and laughed damn loud, straight into 1 officers' face. somemore she's the one who scolded us yesterday, omg so malu. then we kept imitating the CC in the toilet until we couldn't change. then afterwards we exceeded limit so had to change back to full u again -.- then pt kit after lunch. so bo liao.

oh and we learnt a cheer thing. it was rather funny. I like weibin sir (:

ljs after that. sorry I kept laughing damn loud then so embarrassing. mrt ride back was hilarious. krys and I could imitate the CC dancing (: OOH - AH - AH -AH

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Seems forsaken
No mistake here
I watch you follow
It's not your call though

Around and around and a
Oh look what I've found
It's like a string being unwound
I'll be there standing

Oh I break down your door
Just to hold who I'm bleeding for

I'm at your window
I can't get in though
I stand here dying
Well I'll die trying

Around and around and a
Oh look what I've found
It's like a string being unwound
I'll be there standing

Oh I break down your door
Just to hold who I'm bleeding for
Oh I'll come crashing thru your floor
Just to hold who I'm bleeding for

Oh I'll break down you door
Just to hold who I'm bleeding for

Caught up in circles confusion

2006-06-08T20:39:00.000+08:00

we didnt get split into groups but during lectures we couldnt sit with a person from the same unit. oh well. the discipline there is STRICT okay, how irritating, just like camp. the officers just keep shouting at us la. but other than that it was alright. im so not looking forward to tmr, uniform check, wth ):

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up
And I give up
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up
I feel like giving up
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

2006-06-07T11:20:00.000+08:00

going back today with loads of hw undone and im so not looking forward to LMSC. im more than certain they'll split us up into diff groups. this sucks.

seeing all the relatives reminded me of one thing. THE LAI GENES. not any person with the surname lai, but just those in the extended family. the lai genes make all girls short and dumpy. yes, just girls. lai guys are tall. no im not exaggerating. if i put a pic of every single lai girl in the family, you could see that not one single one is of acceptable height and not one single one is skinny. i dont even mean skinny as in, tan-skinny (haha sorry bf), but just 90% that kinda thing. my sister and i are trying hard to fight the lai genes, and we would be the first ever average height + weight lai! oh well at least we wish.

I was as wrong as I could be
To let you get away from me
I'll regret that move
For as long as I'm living
But now that I've come to see the light
All I wanna do is make things right
So just say the word and tell me that I'm forgiven

You and me
We're gonna be better than we were before
I loved you then but now I intend
To open up and love you even more
This time you can be sure

I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for the times
I hurt you so
Gonna hold your body close to mine
From this day on we're gonna be together
Oh, I swear this time
I'm never gonna let you go

Looking back now it seems so clear
I had it all when you were here
Oh, you gave it all and I took it for granted
But if there's some feeling left in you
Some flicker of love that still shines through
Let's talk it out
Let's talk about second chances

Wait and see
It's gonna be sweeter than it was before
I gave some then but now I intend
To dedicate myself to giving more
This time you can be sure

I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for all the times
I hurt you so
Gonna hold your body close to mine
From this day on we're gonna be together
Oh, I swear this time
I'm never gonna let you go

So if you'll just say you want me too
I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for all the times
I hurt you so
Gonna hold your body close to mine
From this day on we're gonna be together
Oh, I swear this time
I'm never gonna let you go

Never gonna let you go
Hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for all the times
I hurt you so
Hold your body close to mine
From this day on we're gonna be together
Oh, I swear this time
I'm never gonna let you go

2006-06-04T22:01:00.000+08:00

msia has been a blast so far. except we only had THREE pathetic hours of shopping which equals to buying ONE item. oh my. so anyway, i finally watched da vinci on dvd. its not even gory why is it nc16?!

let's not give up, not now, not ever

2006-05-31T21:39:00.000+08:00

captain ball CHAMPIONS (:

off till wednesday. till then, pan makes me smile :D

Don't make me close one more door

2006-05-29T08:04:00.000+08:00

omg 2nd class is out. (the email was funny).damn freaking fast. somehow its a repeat of 3rd class but not overall. well done everyone (:

x men with the family ytd. saw debbie at popular and then geraint wong at the cinema but surprisingly they were not together, haha. the show was pretty awesome. and the dying part was touching i teared. hmm i saw my dad rubbing his eyes too but he's not the kind who cries at the movies so i reckon it was coincidence. overall the show was really really nice and the last part was a bright light covering the whole screen and i thought the show ended then suddenly with a LOUD note the credits started rolling. i really jumped up in my seat and my sis and dad were laughing at me.

im determined to finish my work asap so i can enjoy the hols. i say this every break and it never happens. oh well. captain's ball on the 31st, i hope we win. TAN PAN KRYS PUAY SIMBA VVN LU CHAR (: off to kl & ipoh on thurs. i wont be going for both campfire preps, this is saddening. and and AND what's worse is that usually we spend most of the time in kl but this time its ipoh cause the granddad is sick. ipoh = no computer, no shopping, eat eat eat. kl = super nice and fast com, plenty of shopping, even more good food. and in ipoh there's benny, the horny dog. dont ever let it out of the cage, he does STUFF to you. ohman he's sick.

oral tmr, i can just imagine me going like huh, can you repeat in english? though that would prob make me fail like shit. ball after that (:

Now and then I call your name
And suddenly your face appears
But it's just a crazy game
When it ends, it ends in tears

I'm not suposed to be scared of anythingbut I don't know where I am

2006-05-25T23:33:00.000+08:00

im sick of this shit. i am never good enough, you dont have to keep saying you're disappointed. i feel okay about my marks but you think they are the end of the world. im sorry i may never get honours or masters like you guys okay, just accept that.

Can Nothing i do make you happy anymore,
nothin' i say put a smile onto your face,
can nothing i say bring us back together,
nothing i do put a smile onto your face.

Whenever I'm weary from the battles that rage in my head You make sense of madness when my sanity hangs by a thread

2006-05-23T23:22:00.000+08:00

missing school tmr and thurs as well because of the chem thing. oh well, it gets kinda irritating after awhile, at least we dont need to take chem test (:

napfa challenge. PAN KRYS JOY SIMBA SHIYUN VAL LU (: its gonna be hell tiring but we're in it tgt (:

Now love is just a faded memory.
Should've known better
now I'm a prisoner to this pain

You walk in and my strength walks out the doorsay my name and I can't fight it anymore

2006-05-21T19:33:00.000+08:00

i'm glad that you opened up. i rather we'd confront the problem than being kept in the dark all these while. and im noone's fucking idol. look what happened between me and my supposedly, fan. but wouldnt you agree, the pretence is better than breaking down every single day. maybe its my fault for not noticing. but whenever i see you so happy with someone else, i cant possibly walk between the both of you.

you dont have to wait any longer, i've always been beside you.

If you say that you love me
More than anybody
Than anyone's ever been loved before
As much as you love me
Baby, I'll still love you
Baby, I'll still love you more
I'll still love you more

We try hard to hold it allIn our handsBut it slips throughLike soft drifting sandsAnd drying the tearsCan build it all like new

2006-05-20T17:17:00.000+08:00

wtf i just wish you would be straightforward. this is damn confusing you know. i hate the pretence but i cant deny im doing it too. how i wish i was HER, yet i know im not.

not many people's sms can make me cry. but how many of yours have i broken down because?

Ask me how much you mean to me
And I wouldn't even know where to start
Ask if this love runs deep in me
And you won't find a deeper love in any heart

It's time nowto show our feelingsLooking through youyour heart's empty

2006-05-20T13:03:00.000+08:00

yesterday was the chem exhibition and we spent so long just setting up. our exhibit was so primary school and childish compared to other schools. oh well i hope we do get at least silver. but its shocking enough when we were shortlisted. shaorou and i were laughing non stop over kheng kia. we were waiting for maris stella to come so we could laugh at the guy :/ how mean, but he was terribly funny. we burst out laughing everytime we walked past their lab so i guess it was pretty obvious. went back to school in huiyu's car, just in time for leadership workshop. it was pretty fine and funny. esp puay!

me: i like maths
tan: i dont like maths

and we say it in this funny way its hillarious.

my current favourite song which i influenced a few people to like (:

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But we're not
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep it cool but I'm feining.
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm feining
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Here is my confession
May I be your possesion
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
I play it off but im dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm feining
I try to say good bye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

if you're gonemaybe its time to go home

2006-05-19T23:38:00.000+08:00

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

I know you well, I know your smell.I've been addicted to you.

2006-05-17T21:41:00.000+08:00

chem presentation today. all i can say was we all did our best (: good friend and i couldnt help but laugh at the maris stella presentation. we were trying to hold back our laughter. ps with suzanne and good friend after that.

3rd class, crime prevention, outline. FINALLY

on a different note, my speech will be totally boring and im sorry in advance.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.

It takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has It takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all

2006-05-14T21:04:00.000+08:00

so liverpool won in the end and that made me a very happy person. when gerrard scored the last goal I screamed, as in really, I don't know why I did either, I just did. and since it was almost midnight, I woke my mum and I presume half of the neighbourhood up. my sincerest apologies to the residents of faber garden (im sorry the estate has such a cheesy name). well my maid told me this morning that when she heard me scream last night she thought something terrible happened and she suddenly sat up on the bed. haha.

anyway, today was spent at shaorou's doing the damn chem project. we managed to get the work done, surprisingly. oh and the funniest thing is that we did it in the aerobics room, because shaorou's parents don't allow her to stay home alone. haha so we lay on the yoga mats and sat on the gym ball. and we listened to huiyu's obs stories. and now my speech is screwed.

I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak - but I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure

I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - I think too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing

If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need - more than you mind

I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling

If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - do I talk too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing

If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

2006-05-13T22:38:00.000+08:00

FA CUP FINAL now (: liverpool is down, 1-2. this is sad. one of west ham's goals was an own goal by one of my fave liverpool players, CARRAGHER. this is heart wrenching i tell you. okay many ppl dont know i watch soccer. oh well. liverpool must win or else i'll be in one week of mourning. and i'm complaining to alot of ppl online now :/

I've seen enough and it's never enoughit keeps leaving me needing you

2006-05-13T08:52:00.000+08:00

sentosa yesterday. it was fab. truly really happy. we developed 6 nice photos after that and we couldnt stop smiling.

i love you people (:

if i went for obs, there wouldnt be sentosa. but then again, obs seemed damn fun. oh well

back to reality now

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows.

Just listen I need you
Don't walk away don't walk away
I'll say those 3 words just those 3 words
I really love you

how long have I
been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head

Tell me why you're lookin so confusedWhen I'm the one who didn't know the truth

2006-05-10T22:51:00.000+08:00

im so fucking pissed off by np stuffs and im pissing others off cause i keep hurrying them. im sorry.

chem tdy was extra funny, i like.

sculpture walk, hurr.

i love my huang di, dont be pissed (:

Listen to the pouring rain
Listen to it pour,
And with every drop of rain
You know I love you more

Let it rain all night long,
Let my love for you go strong,
As long as we're together
Who cares about the weather?

How long must I pretend to like youWhen it's so plain to see I love you

2006-05-08T21:33:00.000+08:00

im so glad of napfa today. i know i was being an irritating ass and kept saying i cannot jump/run whatever. but if you look at last year's results, you would see why im so worried. so i dont care if i was being an asshole during napfa and thanks to those who beared with me.

on the other hand, so much planning is driving me crazy. i have no life besides np and school.

going home with puay is extremely fun, especially since 13 took so long to come, we were yakking away like crazy.

mdm lee has left and julia yeo is back. well that means handing all hw up on time and stuff. hmm and she irritates me alot. she doesnt want to return papers until the ppl from obs are back. suspense, very fun izzit?

Above the ground, I'm lifted to the sky,
and down like a tumbling weed I found myself stranded high and dry.
A circus ride, oh, it only costs a dime,
but if you wanna see the fireworks you might have to pay a lifetime.

Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slowSo why can't I turn off the radio?

2006-05-06T18:55:00.000+08:00

first there's you. im sorry i said what we have wasnt special. cause i know, it is. i dont mind that you told her, no matter how jealous you think i am now. its not just that, its just all the other stuff put together and now i know where we stand, what we've become, how long this will last.

then there's you. you've given up already i guess. it seems better for you the way we are now. many times i feel like going straight to you and talk it all out. but i know how things will just go back to square one again. i wished i never opened my mouth and said all that i did to make things like they are now. at least then we would still be talking and i'll just keep my feelings to myself.

happy birthday puay (:

yesterday felt like term break. everyone left the school so quicky and tan and i were like 'shuang ah!'

we went out to celebrate puay's bday. we were at the bus stop where this small boy holding 2 real birds put one on puay's bag and started shouting. we got shocked and screamed. that boy has some mental problem i tell you, then he took the bird off and put it on our bag and backs. gross. funny how the birds just clung on and didnt fly off. char pan and tan were screamily funny. i was char and tan's saviour cause i took the bird off their backs (: and krys was my saviour cause she helped me take the bird off mine. the black bird is hard but the colourful one is soft and cute (: anyway the ppl around us couldnt see the bird so they thought we were screaming for nothing. as if we are that childish.

went to cafe cartel and had a fun time. and walked around abit and when back.

if we never leave and love
then we might have never known
all the times we spent apart
all we did was break each other's heart